MINITRUE – CULTURE YOU CAN SWALLOW
DOLPHINS ARE FUCKING UGLY, EVOLVING LEGS WAS GOD’S BEST IDEA!
You remember that time we got kicked out of the Garden of Eden then regressed to aemobas who then evolved to fish-like creatures and eventually onto the land where suddenly legs became fashionable? Well thank fuck, because otherwise these celebrity tarts wouldn’t have anything positive to recommend about them. That’s right, flesh covered tibias and fibulas are en vogue right now as multiple Mail Online journalists salivate over legs like it’s Christmas Dinner up in here. Over just 3 days the Daily Mail became like an issue of Leg Sex, as long as those pins are long it doesn’t matter if they’re slender, skinny, enviable, toned or just Wow! Remember ladies, if you want to be attractive get some legs, check out the luscious lower extremities on show below.
WEAR SEXY CLOTHES IF YOU NEED HELP WOMEN
No this isn’t a lonely-hearts ad, it’s a cracking piece of investigative journalism. Lara Bingle, a someone, got her car stuck in the sand. What a silly bugger, it’s a 4×4 which means it can’t get stuck in snow let alone on a beautiful beach! I should just clarify that Lara Bingle is in no way connected to Chandler Bing.
Supposedly, according to Fay Strang on Mail Online, it’s no surprise that men helped this poor swimwear model out of her predicament because she looked sexy and was wearing a swimsuit. If she’d looked like Germaine Greer and was dressed in a burqa it’s obvious the men would have spat in her face and slashed her tires. Anyone else think it’s ironic that the Mail should think that women wearing sexy clothes results in men helping them? Usually they believe that if women wear sexy clothes all men will do, rightfully, is rape the shit out of them. I should just clarify Lara Bingle has nothing to do with Mr. Bingle the Christmas mascot.
Women take note, when leaving the house don’t wear jogging bottoms and a hoodie. Ms Bingle’s forethought is a revelation providing all women with a way to ensure they can get Y-chromosome help each time they inevitably need it throughout the day. Luckily Lara Bingle was dressed in her work clothes otherwise she could still be stuck, crying on the bonnet of her Range Rover as other exhausted women cried at the car trying to make it move. Thank god for swimsuits. Thank god for men. I should just clarify that I have no idea what a Lara Bingle is.