We live in an age of pedophiles.
Pedogeddon is upon us.
Lock up your daughters…no literally lock up your daughters. I don’t mean literally in the newfangled sense that means maybe or figuratively or circumference or probably something new by the time you read this, I mean literally as in a literal manner. Don’t just tell them to stay in their room because pedos are like Sam from ‘Sabrina The Teenage Witch’, they’ll just climb in the fucking window.
You NEED to literally lock up your daughters. Why not build some kind of underground apartment? They’d be safe in there if you make sure they can’t get out, just keep telling yourself it’s for their own safety. You can’t have windows though and you better make sure it’s like Fort Knox down there, nobody in or out. Literally put your offspring under lock and key. Make sure you give them a lot of love and attention while they’re down there though, you don’t want them getting lonely or cold. I don’t know why nobody’s had this idea before, you’d think The Mail would champion anyone with the ingenuity to do this themselves. Well here’s hoping someone out there is looking out for their kids properly because this week the Pedos are going to have a field day!
EMO ECO WARRIOR GIVES US AN ILLEGAL EYEFUL
Elle Fanning, 15, has raised the eyebrows and the ire of the Mail Online by wearing a dress that doesn’t really show anything off or make her look very slutty at all. The issue, you see, is that there was something called a keyhole in her dress which was supposedly a bit risque. It’s awful I know, but just in case you weren’t aghast at the sight of a dress there was a handy close up so you could get a really good look. Luckily the dress made her look older than her years which is a good trick to ward off baying pedos as they’d be confused by her maturity and forget to ogle her non-sexualised chest area. Let’s hope there are no foot fetish pedophiles because there were also close up images of Elle’s feet stuffed provocatively with tissue as she exited a salon, these kids are just asking for it!
The Mail have provided an even better solution to combat the dirty nonces though, they’ve provided you with all the details to get the teen tits chic look so you can go out into the street and confuse all the immigrant beasts preying on young children in your local area. Thank goodness for the Mail outwitting these predatory animals at every turn, but if in doubt remember, LOCK ‘EM UP (your daughters that is, not pedos cause they want them out so they have something to write about)!