MiniTrue – Culture You Can Swallow

Hello,

My name’s Meerkuts and I’m joining Smallimus in his unique experiment to understand if Daily Mail really is as racist, sexist and Leninist as people say it is. I don’t have Small’s strong will though so I’m only looking at the culture pages each week!

October 10th 2013

BREAKING CULTURE NEWS THIS WEEK

Greytie Holmes
Greytie Holmes

– MYSTERY OF SCIENTOLOGY UNCOVERED AS KATIE HOLMES “REVEALS” GREY HAIR!

MYSTERY MAN IN BACKGROUND OF SHOT DURING GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF FOR THREE SECONDS!

– WALKING DEAD’S NORMAN REEDUS SHARES JOKE WITH MYSTERY WOMAN IN NEW YORK!

MYSTERY OF DIABETES MAY BE LINKED TO WEIGHT LOSS SAYS TOM HANKS!

– SCARLETT JOHANSSON WAS PRETTY AT SCHOOL TOO, MYSTERY SOLVED!

– ALANIS MORRISETTE LOOKS HAPPY, WHY IS A MYSTERY!

OTHER NEWS

  • Miley Cyrus is everywhere. She’s saturated the pages of all media recently, like the milkshake that Chunk squashes up against the window at the beginning of ‘The Goonies’. DAILY MAIL SHOWBIZ REPORTER tells us that this week the former Ms. Montana has been seen stripping off at her album launch party as well as making out with females and some guy called ‘Mike Will Made It’. So far, so former teen star turned bad girl but I was glad to see ambiguous DAILY MAIL SHOWBIZ REPORTER focusing on the suitable, seasonal attire of Miley’s Mum rather than the underwear worn by Miley herself, which will definitely lead to an Autumn cold. Unfortunately the journalistic integrity was marred somewhat not just by the 20 plus pics of the Bangerz star but also by a big advert that tells us to get the outfit just like Cyrus wore.
  • Marilyn Manson has been seen without makeup this week. The infamous metal singer who has had more fame for his roles in school shootings and serial killers than his music was pictured on the set of East Side and Down which turns out is a favourite show of his. Who knew? I think people thought he just watched hamsters get stabbed with sharpened pencils or timelapse videos of monitor lizards decomposing! What’s brilliant about the story though is not the look himself but that the only clue to it being Marilyn Manson was that he was wearing a black jumper! Those goths are so easy to spot, they’d have trouble sacking a RIB charity shop these days.
  • The best article this week was, Jim Shelley’s blow by blow account of The Great British Bake Off which seemed to be a lesson in euphemisms. Not only did he want to tear Mary Berry (I can only imagine he believes something happens to women of a certain age and he needs to rectify this to be able to gorge on her) but he also made a jibe about Ruby’s lopsided rack. There were baking terms which somehow became sex positions ‘Kneading the Dough’, ‘Smoothing the Spelt’ as well as a jibe at Sean Penn’s gluten intolerance. However the icing on the cake in Shelley’s rundown of the yeast infused show was his appraisal of this week’s loser, in his words, Christine “was sent home to the comfort of her husband’s spotted dick”.  Carry On Baking is currently being greenlit.
Carry On Baking Has Been GreenLit!
Carry On Baking Has Been GreenLit!

THIS WEEK’S RELEASES

– There were albums and books and films released this week but they don’t matter because they’re not TV or SHOWBIZ

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